Here’s a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don’t worry, be happy
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don’t worry, be happy
Don’t worry, be happy now[…]
‘Cause when you worry your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
So don’t worry, be happy[…]
— Don’t Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin.
Would you call yourself an optimist or a pessimist? Do you think that your “glass half-full” or “glass half-empty” personality came to you naturally or do you think it was a quality you absorbed from others growing up? Child development specialist Anita Cleare thinks optimism is a positive trait that is learned and should be taught to children by parents:
When it comes to thought processes, one of the most important habits of mind that children can develop is optimism. Children who practice optimistic thinking are more resilient, they are less likely to give up in the face of challenge and they tend to interpret experiences in a way that gives them a sense of control and confidence.
Pessimism, on the other hand, leads to helplessness and withdrawal – it doesn’t matter what I do, it won’t work, so there is no point in trying.
Optimism is not about temperament, it is a habit of thinking that relates to how we interpret events. And it can therefore be taught.
The most important things parents can do to instill a positive outlook on life, Cleare says, is to be a good role model:
Model being optimistic. Monitor the running commentary on life that you present to your children. If children hear lots of optimistic comments, they are more likely to develop this way of thinking themselves. Look for and point out the good side to events and experiences. Offer interpretations of events that are specific, that locate control and influence and that allow for a different outcome next time[…] Look on the bright side and find the positive even when things haven’t gone well.
Teaching children how to “interpret failure as an opportunity” to learn and do better the next time will help them manage adversity in positive and constructive ways. (In other words, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”) And instead of setting goals for their children, parents should allow kids to envision and set their own goals:
Even if they set the bar really low for themselves, if it is an achievable goal that they accomplish by themselves then they will gain a sense of competence that will lead to them setting a more challenging goal next time. Support them to participate in activities where they will experience success.
It’s a big world out there; our kids will need a bright outlook to make it a better place for themselves. Besides, no one likes a pickle-puss:
Teaching optimism is one of the most important things that parents can do to bolster children’s emotional wellbeing. How children interpret events connects directly to their self-esteem and how they feel about themselves. A child who believes he has competence and influence, even if he makes mistakes, will have a positive view of himself and of the world and will be much more likely to make the most of opportunities.
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